I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
