Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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