I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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