I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
