2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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