JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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