dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
