last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
