I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
