i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
