i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was like eating out sand paper
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
