uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
