Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
