one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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