So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
