Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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