It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
