he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
