Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
