The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
