So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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