big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
