Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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