The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
