At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
