They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
