At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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