Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
