I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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