Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
