So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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