So drunk its hurt
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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