Soap is not a condiment
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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