This girl is more easily done than said...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
