They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
