He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My cat gives me a boner
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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