i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
