The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
