Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
