just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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