a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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