GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
