I'm going to jail i love you
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
