Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
