so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
