Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think i got beer on your cat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
