I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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