I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
