we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
