are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
