is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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