Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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