I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
