Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
