I wish I could teleport
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
