She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sarcasm needs its own font
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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