What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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