New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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