I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
