i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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