I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
