weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
