They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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