just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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