my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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