lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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