she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
